Moderate-Minded

More worthy

2008-05-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

From my seat at my desk in my bedroom, I can see out my window. The front yard is in front of me, and I can see the roof over the deck. A few minutes ago, I looked out (taking a short mental break from my political science take-home final) and saw something splashing in the gutter.

I looked a bit closer to see that it was a little robin. He sat very still for a second, then put his head back under and splashed, moving his feathers around quickly. Then he hopped out, onto the ledge and shook his feathers out. He poofed himself up very impressively, then cleaned himself with his beak. He got the feathers on his wings, his tail feathers, and what parts of his chest he was able to reach.

Sitting here, watching him, I felt peaceful.

You're worth more, my dear.

In the Bible, Jesus says not to worry about tomorrow, because today has enough trouble of its own. "Look at the sparrows," he said. "You can buy two for a penny, and your Father in Heaven knows when one sparrow falls from its nest. How much more must he pay attention to you? He knows the number of hairs on your head. He knows when you wake, sleep, shed a tear." In Psalms, David writes that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. "I praise you," he wrote. "Before a thought enters my head, you aready had it written down. You keep my tears in a bottle. You knit me together in my mother's womb."

Today, even though it's icky outside from the drizzle, I'm going to thank God for the simple beautiful things he's made. I'm going to thank him for my life and the chance to live it.

I encourage you to do the same. A step towards thankfullness to God is a step closer to him.

Scooter-licious

2008-04-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

I want a scooter. I really do.

But more than that, I want the guys on Top Gear to test them so I'll know what ones to look at.

That would be a fun episode.

But seriously ... they get incredible gas mileage. They're fun. They're cheap. They're good for the environment and my pocket.

Sam brought up the weather issue. Yeah, it would suck to drive through the rain and cold and whatnot. But still ... they get about three times the miles per gallon my Sadie gets me (I named my car Sadie).

I'm researching now. I think I belong in Europe. Or California. As in, not Georgia. I'm starting to get a southern drawl and it's bugging me. Yeah, it can be cute on certain people, but I don't think I'm one of those people.

In other news ...

Sam is leaving Wednesday for Trials. He won't be here for our 7th monthiversary or the slalom. And he was going to get to bring his mom's crossfire. That sucks. :( I hope he does well, though. I would have mad ehim go regardless. It's important.

My alarm clock doesn't wake me up anymore. I've missed working out the past week because it somehow doesn't get me up in time. For example, I woke up an hour late this morning. I didn't wake up in time Sunday. I don't remember last week, but I know I didn't work out. :(

I'm definently going tomorrow moring. Which is another reason I could use a scooter. I drive more than my parents. A lot more. As in, I'm filling up about every four or five days. At least $20. And I'm trying to pay for college (they seem to be unsympathetic to my bank account) and gas. I paid for my boat. What I didn't get in scholarships, I'm paying for for the China trip. I buy my own clothes and shoes and hair stuff. I guess I should count my blessings and thank God they're paying for my food!

It's kind of annoying ... but just makes me all the more eager to leave for China and apply to other schools.

Patience is a virtue, right?

It's wearing thin.

Peace,

Cait

36 days until I leave

2008-04-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

I mis-counted. I thought I only had 31 days until I left, but I just re-counted and found out I forgot to count Sundays and I have 36 days. :)

I'm really excited about it...but I'm also extremely nervous. What if I get sick? What if I get lost? What if no one likes me? What if I get really homesick like I did in Nicaragua?

I'm sure that by writing it out, I'll get less nervous. I just have to calm myself and realize that we'll be in developed places where it's not likely that I'll get sick, I'll have my laptop so I can reach home and stay connected, and I'll probably be too busy to think about home as much as I did in Nicaragua.

One of the things that stinks about the timing of the trip is that I'll miss my and Sam's 8th monthiversary. He's missing our 7th. He'll be in Oklahoma at Trials. I'll be racing my car and going to a music recital. Which is really cool, but not as cool as it would be with him.

Me: I'm not random, my mind just moves faster than yours.
Sam: Wait...what?
Me: My mind was moving faster than yours just then.
Sam: No...I'm pretty random too.
Me: You? Random?
Sam: I'm methodically random.

One of the many reasons I love him. Give me a second while I restart my heart...

Procrastination

2008-03-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing night with Sam last night. He's incredible.

It's funny...a long time ago I had this dream about a house that I was living in. I think it may have been a couple of weeks before I left for Nicaragua. Anyways, the house was big. It was square-shaped and didn't have a middle. The middle was a courtyard area, and the house surrounded it. Except the house was on stilts. It was a beautiful house. And after that, I decided that I wanted to see a house like that one day, not realizing that they actually exist.

Last night, Sam and I were talking about...I don't remember, but we somehow got on the subject of houses built like the one aforementioned. I told him about my dream, and he told me that he thinks those houses are really cool and that he intends to live in one some day.

Last night, after I was home and in bed and all that, I had a dream. In my dream, it was the near future. Sam and I were still together (yay), and we were looking at houses for some reason. I don't know why - we weren't engaged or married or even talking about it (that I know of) in my dream. But we were in Hilton Head and the Crowne Plaza Resort (where we go for GCYC), and we found the house that we wanted, and it was one of those kinds with the courtyard thing!

It was wierd...but it made me feel happy. :)

Anyhow, I'm just trying to kill time until Sam calls me. I'm going to make him tell me to write so I finish my term paper. I'm about a third of the way done. Once I start talking about Emma Goldman, I'll have a lot to say. That woman...it's a good thing she and Gloria Steinman and Betty Friedan weren't sisters. Could you imagine the estrogen wars?

I finished revising al my stories for creative writing (I'm pretty proud of myself), and I finished my newspaper stuff (starting layout Monday), and I need to finish my political science term paper (on feminism/the women's movement) and my sociology paper (about why teens have unprotected sex) and my science project (about JWST and Hubble). I feel so educated.

And why am I going to need to know all these things? ...I'm getting an education, not a training...right...

I'm having an affair with pandora.com. I discovered the baroque period chamber music and the Michael Buble, etc. station. :) It's been on the past twelve hours or so. :)

Our Sixth Monthiversary (March 20)

2008-03-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yaaaayy!!!!

We made it six months, and he's still completely amazing and wonderful and I LOVE HIM!

We went to the Olive Garden and ate A LOT of food (and it was yummy :) ).

After dinner (and a great conversation, as usual), we drove around a bit looking for some place to star-gaze, but there aren't many dark places anymore, so we went back to my house and spent a little time with my parents.

Sam gave me a cute letter holder (which has been coming in handy lately - thank you, dear) and a huge candle that has made my whole room smell extremely good.

I gave him an anniversary card ripped in half. He gets the other half if he stays with me another six months. It's a reward system. :)

I felt bad because I didn't know he was going to get me something and I had no money to get him anything... :( I'll make up for it. :)

After we were done hanging out with my parents, I walked him back to his truck and we talked a bit. We also kissed a bit. :)

He's wonderful and I love everything about him. I love that he understands me and respects me and how he shows he loves me...I love that we don't argue and that we have common interests and that we're both commited to excellence (to ourselves and each other).

He's amazing and I'm sure I'm the luckiest girl alive!

Today I Learned

2008-03-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

...that t-shirts are more absorbent than gym shorts. I left my towel at home. :(

...that if you're congested, you can just do upright row really fast and the snot comes pouring out.

...to cheat the system of 129 being backed up by traffic, you can just go north on I-985 and use the U-turn a bit up the road and still make it to school on time to blog. :)

...that my boyfriend is amazing, and I hope he gets better soon so we can spend some time together.

...that half a piece of gum is just as effective as a whole one.

...that I may get to start using less than 30 pounds of assist on chin-ups. It was a bit bouncier today.

...that other people matter, but not that much. Only the ones I hold dear. The others...I've forgotten about.

...that you know you love someone when just seeing him makes your stomach all tingly. I love you, Sam. :)

...that my hope isn't anywhere here on this earth. This will all pass away and I'll find true life, love, hope, and freedom in Christ one day.

...that AP style is fun to break. :)

Letting Go

2008-03-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

I've decided.
I'm declaring.
Independence.

I'm not going to worry about the little things.
I'm not going to concern myself with other people's lives, unless they ask me to.
If you talk to me, I will talk to you.
If you don't want me to talk to you, don't respond when I reach out.
And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you a chance by reaching out.
And if you don't respond, I'm going to put you out of my life.

It's spring cleaning time.
Time to throw out all the old junk from my life.

Here I go.

Letter From Your Ex

2008-03-17T03:15:00.000-07:00

Facebook says you're in a relationship.
That's the only way I found out since you don't respond to phone calls or texts anymore.
I look at her pictures and I wonder...what's she like?

Does she know you like I did?
Does she know your tickle spot?
Does she know your insecurities?
Did she put out on the first date?
Does she wear her hair curly how you like it...how mine wouldn't do?
Is she pretty?
Can you tell her mood by the way she talks, holds herself, the color of her eyes?
Do her toes curl when you kiss her?
Do you call her baby already?
Does she respond like I did to that name?
Is she going to share the house on the beach in Florida with you?
Is she going to get the waterfall, the big arched doorway, the library?
Wait...the library was for me. I guess that's erased from the blueprints now.

I told you. A million times.
I told you you'd be better off with someone you went to school with, from your social group.
Turns out I was right.
Why couldn't you have listened to me? Why didn't you realize, I knew? I know.
Guys like you don't date girls like me. You date dainty girls, with dainty names and personalities.
Not that I'm hardcore.

Did you ask her dad's permission to date her?
Your family likes her a lot more than me, don't they?
I bet she's never worn shoes like mine...the skater shoes, the cheap fake converses from WalMart.

I'm happy for you. I'm happy you know that I was right all along.
I wasn't good enough for you. I never was.
This is what you deserve...and I'm glad you found it.

Lip Service

2008-03-14T05:34:00.001-07:00

You know what really bothers me?

People who claim to be Christians but don't act like it.

I know that we're only human and will never be perfect and all, but we can try.

What I mean is: the ones who say I love Jesus on Sunday when they had to roll out of bed in a drunken stupor to take some Chaser Plus and clean up before church so they can save face. The ones who get pregnant before getting married (or just have sex). The ones who cuss and disrespect others, who don't love, but say that Jesus is the Lord of their lives.

I'm not saying that I've never done those things. It is difficult. But I try to live the best that I can because I am a representative of Jesus. You and I, we may be the only Jesus some people ever see. Are we going to show them a hyprocritical face? Are we going to tell them that although Jesus gave his everything for us, we can just give one or two hours to him on Sunday? That we don't need to worry about praying or reading the Bible or even living like we've had a experience with him?

Like Gandhi said: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Will you chose to live for him or against him? There is no middle ground. Jesus said: "But because you are lukewarm—neither hot, nor cold—I am ready to spit you out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:16)

Honor God with more than just your mouth. Honor him with your heart and the way you live, if that is what you choose. But if you decide not to live for him, please stop saying that you do.

Peace,
Cait

Weapons on Campus

2008-01-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

“A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

After incidents like what happened at Virginia Tech and Columbine, the issue of gun control gets addressed again. Who should be allowed to carry guns? What regulations or restrictions should there be on gun ownership? Should guns be outlawed all together?
As stated in the Second Amendment to our Constitution, “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”
Now come the arguments. Who are “the people?” What does “bear arms” mean? Does “the people” refer to the “well regulated militia?” Should our states still have “a well regulated militia?”
All these details make arguing so difficult and keep many picky and persnickety people from seeing the truth. Self-defense is protected by law. The Constitution says the people have the right to keep and bear arms. And that right “shall not be infringed.”
Why, then, is there still an argument?
If one or two students at Virginia Tech could have had concealed weapons, or if a classroom could have had a gun stashed under the teacher’s podium, the massacre may have only been a one- or two-fatality incident, rather than a shooting spree that ended in suicide.
I do realize that there are harms with agreeing that people are protected by law “to keep and bear arms.” There are some crazy individuals out there who, given the right to carry a gun, would endanger society.
However, with substantial background checks and training, gun ownership could be easily regulated.
Many people I’ve talked to – both students and parents – agree that in order to get a weapon, there should be an age restriction and the person should go through training (just like police officers who carry guns). The training would include safety classes, learning how to use a gun and getting a license, which should have to be renewed every few years.
Unlike drivers’ licenses, though, you’d have to be re-tested every time you go for a renewal.
I would personally feel much safer if I knew that I had a professor or a classmate (who wasn’t crazy) who carried a concealed weapon. Or if I could carry a concealed weapon. Not that Gainesville is a dangerous campus or that I’m paranoid…but you never know.
Just last year, there was a huge police chase going on in Flowery Branch, right near the high school. I was in class at the high school at the time of the chase. No one knew about it. What would have happened if one of the suspects had run into the school?
I might not be sitting here writing this column.
I realize that there are those who don’t want guns. That is completely respectable. And it hasn’t escaped me that certain people do not need to have a gun.
And that’s the reason we’d need extensive background checks before issuing a license to carry a gun and selling one. It’s also the reason for requiring a lot of training.
A law was passed in Kennesaw in 1982 that required the head of each household to own a gun. Before the law was passed, the rate of burglaries per 1,000 people was 11. In 1998, the rate was 243 crimes per 100,000 people, or .243 per 1,000. Compare that to Decatur, which as a crime rate of 4,049 per 100,000 people. (Source: rense.com)
It’s pretty obvious to me that guns lower crime rates. Potential criminals think twice about shooting someone who owns a gun.
When is it, on shows like Cops and Law and Order, that a bad guy wielding a gun stands down, or is more open to negotiations?
When someone stands up to him with a gun. Having a gun puts you on the same level as a potential killer. Suddenly, he doesn’t feel so powerful or invincible. Mere talk doesn’t do that. Neither would mace, knives, or batons. In order to get close enough to use it on a gun slinger, he’d see or hear you, and you’d be shot before you could even say “gun control.”
I highly doubt we’d regress back to the old west days, with men running around in cowboy boots and wearing chains of bullets draped across their chests. Regular arguments could still be handled in a civilized manner involving a few drinks and a heart-to-heart.
Guns are like condoms: there for protection. People always tell you to make sure you have protection before engaging in risky behavior. Walking through Atlanta can be risky behavior. Pissing off the wrong person can be risky behavior. Are the Supreme Court and some misguided lobbyists going to prevent “the people” from their Constitutional rights? Can they tell us what to do and what we’re allowed to carry to make ourselves feel more secure?
I don’t think so. I’m an individual, and I want my Constitutional rights upheld. If I want to carry a concealed weapon, there should be no one stopping me. (Except, of course, if I failed training or something.)
If my history professor would feel more secure carrying a concealed gun in his briefcase, more power to him. He’d be doing it to protect himself and his students. (Perhaps his Constitutional right to “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness?”)
Guns aren’t bad, except in the wrong hands. They need to be in the right hands to prevent the wrong hands from committing serious mistakes.
Bear in mind that guns don’t kill – people with guns have the potential to kill.

Skipping...Thanksgiving?

2007-12-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else notice the Christmas—I’m sorry—holiday stuff out before Halloween?
It seems to me that marketers only want to market holidays when people buy a lot. For example, Halloween. You must buy lots of candy to hand out to children. You must buy a costume. You must buy decorations for your house.
How many Halloween-themed commercials did we see around September-October time? More than you would for Thanksgiving.
And what do you buy for Thanksgiving? A turkey, if you like turkey (I’m not a turkey person myself, I prefer ham, in which case, a ham is in order). Stuffing, green beans, sweet potatoes, pies, etc. Food, stuff you’d get at the grocery store.
I don’t remember many Thanksgiving-themed commercials. Or much Thanksgiving advertising and marketing.
What happened in department stores right after Halloween? Out came the greens! Deck the halls with boughs of holly! Christmas comes after Halloween!
But wait! What about saying thank you? What about the time spent with family and friends, where we can all sit and relax, not worry about the shopping list and enjoy one another’s company?
And after Christmas—I’m sorry—the red-and-green-holiday, we’ll be seeing lots of pink and red hearts, TWO months in advance.
Because what would you buy for New Years? If you’re going to have a party, food. And that’s about it. It’s a lot like Thanksgiving, but since there’s a big party on Times Square we pay some attention to it.
It’s so unfortunate that we follow the marketers holiday-wise.
One of the kids I teach at gymnastics asked me the Tuesday before Thanksgiving why we still had a turkey decoration up. “Why do you still have a turkey up? It’s almost Christmas.”
I could hardly believe it. Our children, because of what marketers do, forget the significance of saying thank you in lieu of “What do you want for Christmas?”

Smokers at Work

2007-10-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

So let's reward people for killing themselves!
I guess it's a form of population control...
At my mom's work, where I spent my fall break shredding papers, there are a LOT of smokers. They come out every few hours for ten to twenty minutes, however long it takes to smoke a cigarette (which is supposed to be equal to the amount of time it takes off your life) and chat with the other smokers, and go back to work. Then they get the same one-hour lunch break as everyone else.
In a normal work day at the company, the day starts at 8:00 am and finishes at 5:00 pm, with an hour break for lunch. It's a normal eight-hour work day.
I studied one individual who smokes there. She came out once an hour for at least ten minutes. Sometimes as long as twenty.
If she spends, say ten minutes for every smoke break and works an eight-hour day, that gives her...eighty extra break minutes. The company wastes nearly an hour and a half's pay on her killing herself.
In my humble opinion, that's not too fair.
If I wanted to take a break every hour to eat, or comb my hair, or talk on my phone, it wouldn't happen.
This isn't just at my mom's work. It happened when I worked retail two years ago.
The managers would take smoke breaks at least every two hours, and spend a long time out in the back, polluting the air around the corner from the pharmacy drive-up window. If there were two managers working, they would take the breaks together.
Yet if one of us under-aged customer service associates were caught on the phone, eating at the register or standing at the register, not straightening or cleaning or something, we were told to do something productive and not waste company money.
Um...
Personally, I don't like to follow orders from hypocrites.
But that's just me.

Friday, June 1

2007-06-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

The Day Before I Leave
I'm so nervous. My stomach was upset earlier. I got to spend the day with Jimmy, & it was very hard to say goodbye to him.
My parents & I ate hamburgers for dinner. Well, they were really turkeyburgers, & my last taste of America for a while. Afterwords, we played Scrabble.
I'm so scared & nervous & excited about this trip. This is something I always hear others talk about. It's going to be life-changing, I know. I pray God will move mountails within me. I know I've got a lot of people here at home praying for me, & that's so comforting.
It was difficult to say good night to my parents, knowing it was the last time until next Sunday. I feel badly, but I'll be counting down teh days until I get back.
The hardest thing tonight was hanging up with Jimmy. He's so worried about the trip. I know I comforted him, though, when I told him that Nicaragua is in Central America, not Africa. He was relieved to know that I'd be on the same contenent & in the same hemisphere (barely).
I'm sad to say goodbye to my guitar, my car, electricity, cleanliness, & air conditioning. But I kow it's temporary & totally worth it.
I'm still nervous.

June 2

2007-06-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

In Flight
The whole thing still seems surreal. Maddie & I still haven't grasped that we're about to land in a foreign country to do mission work.
I'm starting to get excite, though, rather than the itinal dread I felt yesterday. I'm trying not to focus on what I'm giving up, but on what I'm gaining. The things I'm leaving behind--my family, Jimmy, the luxuries of America--are really what I need to give up for Christ anways. I'm experiencing in a physical way what I need to be doing in a spiritual way. It's hard. But I'm gaining so much. I'm going to learn about another country & do something I've always wanted to do. I know this will be life-changing & I can't wait to se how.

My First Night
This is so hard.
The bus ride was...we were in an old school bus. After exiting the plane, we had to wait a little bit for the bus, but that's how it works in Nicaragua. The airport is tiny. There are two baggage carosels with several ads in English.
We stood outside for a while waiting for the bus.
The twomost used parts of vehicles around here, I'm convinced, are the gas pedal & the horn. Our bus driver honked at everything. There are no real road names or speed limits here.
We stopped at a gas station to get some food & water. I bought a five pack of gum, a 1.5 Liter bottle of water, a small can of Pringles, & a Milky Way candy bar. My total was $2.97.
The house is called Casa Blanca, White House. It's a stucco off-white color with windows everywhere. The long-termers came out to greet us, & that was cool.
The main room of the house has huge windows. The showers are outside. When we arrived, the water wasn't working. It just started.
I'm so homesick. I had to "use the bathroom" earlier for crying. Maddie is really homesick, too. Stephanie is happy to be away. I'm envious yet heartbroken for her. I wish I could do this with no problems or tears, but I love that I miss my parents & Jimmy so much.
Dinner consisted of steak, salad, strange blackish beans, rice, & tasteless wrap things. I didn't eat much, & now I'm super thankful I packed so much food.
Everyone gets one cup for the week & is responsible for keeping up with it & keeping it clean.
I can't wait for this time next week.
I came upstairs after dinner before the devotion time & found my bed covered in bugs. My bed happened to be right under the light. One of the hair cutting ladies, Angie, helped me move the bunks away from the light & me move beds. I can feel every rod through my thin mattress. Luckily Stephanie had three extra pillows, so I got one & now I have two. Small comforts.
I wish so much I could email or call (for like 5 minutes) my parents & Jimmy to say how much I lvoe & miss & take them for granted. Ok, Jesus, I understand how much I do love them...can I got home now?
There are so many different reasons that people are here. Most of them are here for the kids. I'm eager to meet the kids who make it so worthwhile...
I was reading in Lamentations & found this verse, which really helped me...
"You came near when I called to you, you said, 'Don't be afraid.'" (3:37)

Sunday, June 3

2007-06-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

My First Full Day. One Week Left.
I can't wait to get out of here. I can't stop thinking about my parents, Jimmy, & home. I almsot wish they hadn't allowed me to come.
Dawn came quickly & early. I think I woke up around 5 a.m. There were many strange sounds outside. I think they sounds were coming from birds, but I can't be sure.
I'll probably shower tonight. The water still isn't working, so it'll be out of a bucket.
We're walking to church in a little bit. My homesickness wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't so much free time for my mind to wander back home. Only six more full days.
Stephanie forgot church clothes, so she's going to use my shirt. I'll wear a skirt & a t-shirt, something I promised myself I'd never do. But I guess that's what happens when you're roughing it.
I have full cell service here. It's so tempting to call him, but I know I'll loose it if I do.
Breakfast was crepes, mango, raison bread, pineapple, watermelon, & (what do you know) rice & beans. The pineapple was amazing.
I smell like sweat & bug spray. Apparently tis' working, though, because I haven't been bitten yet.
The humidity has already caused the pages of my Bible & journal to start curling.
Mass today will be in Spanish, so I may take my Bible & read by myself the whole time.
I've been sweating since I got here. It's not so bad upstairs, where the girls sleep, because of the fans. There are no fans downstairs, & there is a section of "outside" in the main room, where we eat. So there are lots of flies & other insects.
There is already dirty under my nails & we haven't done anything yet.
I've decided to try to do things day by day this week. Conquer one thing at a time. Today: no crying, less thinking of home, make it through Mass, climb the volcano. I hope I can do it.

I can't believe how much I miss home. Not home so much, by my mom & dad & Jimmy. Maybe God's purpose for me was to show me how much I love these people but how little I show it.
We climbed the volcano today. I went the "easy way," which proved to be very difficult. About 1/2 way pu I decided I was finished. It was raining on & off & it was so hot. But although I wanted so badly to be done & I was seriously crying (though no one knew because of my sunglasses), my group wouldn't let me go by myself, so Mr. Dubus helped me.
We walked through some gross sulfur air. It was hard to breathe. I had forgotten my inhaler.
We made it to the top & it was freezing. Several clouds blew over us & it was like a blizzard, but without the snow. I was suprised to see so many bugs at the top of the volcano, but they were everywhere. I kept having to smack them off my bag & legs.
When almost everyone made it to the top, we went down. I clutched Mr. Dubus's hand, & he taught me how to climb (ski, really) down, sideways, filling my shoes with volcanic ash & rock. I rubbed some of the skin off my ankle from it.
I took my first shower when we got back to Casa Blanca & it was very cold.
I'm so tired & homesick.

Monday, June 4

2007-06-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

My Second Full Day. 2/7 of the way through.
Most of the group are going to another city, El Capulin, until Wednesday. I feel sick, so I'm staying home. I'm not hungry or thirsty & I feel clammy, & my stomach hurts. Several women are staying to cut har & wash clothes, so I'll have plenty to do, & a good bit of rest time to recover from whatever I have.
I'm excited about the hair cutting thing. There will be children to play with. Maybe I'll find the joy everyone else gets from being here. Maybe I'll learn to cut hair & even some Spanish.
I miss Jimmy, my parents, my bed, my shower, my bed, & Mercutio. I even miss my retainer. I clentch my teeth a lot, & the retainer made it so much easier not to hurt.
While everyone else is gone, I want to see if I can use a computer to email Jimmy & my parents. I think that if I can just tell them how much I miss them I'll be better. But I'm not sure.
I'm the only one inside staying, so I get the fan all to myself. :) And I get to learn to cut hair. Maybe I'll even knit.
I'm actually looking forward to this. I'm independent & worn out by people, so this is a great opportunity to be alone & recharge.
The nurse came up & told me to use today for recovery. She has me drinking a 1.5 liter bottle with one pack of Propel. I have to drink two of those today. I get soup for lunch! She is pretty sure I'm dehydrated, but says I may have a bug. If it's just dehydration, & I do what she told me, I'll be better by tomorrow.
"Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot is the theme song for the week. I've heard it every day so far. But I like it, so it's okay.
I think I'll take a nap.

I did sleep & drink A LOT & finally go #2. I feel a lot better. But I can't stop sweating.
I'm thinking about going downstairs & eating those Ramen Noodles the nurse left for me. Besides, I need to refil my water bottle.
Most of the girls are predicting that Tuesday will be the hardest day. It'll be their full day in El Capulin. They left earlier this morning & won't be returning until Wednesday. I'm excited about tomorrow. As long as I'm feeling better, I'll go with the ladies into the city & learn about hair cutting & play with the kids (hopefully).
It seems that this week is starting to pick up speed finally. I still think of home & the flight back, but I'm not nearly as weepy & homesick. I think I hit my low point of the trip & now I'm starting to get back up.

I ate my soup & it was good. The youngest girl here, Zoe, has started talking to me. She's 6 & very cute.
The ladies are back & Zoe wants to play hide & seek. Later, we're going to the city. I think it's siesta time right now. The ladies are sleeping & panning on eating at some chicken place later, before heading to the villa.
I really can't wait to go home. I'm longing for my bed & ability to talk to Jimmy. I forgot about asking to use a computer for email because I fell asleep. I can't wait to hug my parents & Jimmy & to do laundry & go to the spa & get my nails done & take a real shower.
I don't know how to spell it, but soup in Spanish is soap-a. I also learned that cow is vaca. I really prefer French over Spanish, but Spanish is a little easier to speak. Except for the part about rolling your r's. I can't do that.

There is another girl here. She just flew in today because she just got her passport last night. She's a nice girl & we get along.
I really really want to go home. I seriously don't think I can make it the whole week. My dad emailed me earlier today. I logged on a little while ago & replied. Unfortunately, it was his work email & I can't remember our new home email address. But I asked if it was expensive to get a flight change.
I want to go home more than I think I've ever wanted anything. I'm willing to pay whatever it costs to have my ticket changed, to get a taxt & go to the airport here alone, & to take an international flight alone. I want to be home so badly.
I'm thinking about calling my parents...but I may have just remembered our home email address...Yes! I'll email them now...

Tuesday, June 5

2007-06-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

My Third Full Day. 3/7 of the way done. Almost 1/2 way there.
I was so humesick last night. I did remember & email my home email.
I told the ladies I had a family emergency & needed to call home. I called my mom, but they were at the grocery store & had to call me back later.
The earliest flight I could have gotten would have been Thrusday. I didn't have enough money, plus, that's almost Sunday. So I have to stay.
I have to admit, I feel a little abandoned.
I slept outside on the porch last night. It was nice.
Today I'm going out with the ladies to help teach hair cutting.

Today was pretty fun. I did learn a little about hair cutting, but I also got to play with the kids. They wore me out fast.
There was one girl named Jessica who attached herself to me. She's 6 & so sweet.
There was a strong thunderstorm today. We were shut in the library, where Wendy was teaching one woman to cut hair & Angie was teaching another to do nails.
The library (Bibliotecho) is tiny. There are a lot of books, though. The kids loved it when Stephanie D. read to them. I would have, but I don't speak Spanish.
Zoe, Wendy's daughter, loved playing with the kids too. She was so tired later, though, she climbed into my lap & took a nap.
I had my first taxi ride today. Some parts of the road aren't paved, & they had big holes & they were filled up with water from the rain. We fit eight people into a tiny Kia. I don't think there are any road laws here, so it didn't matter that several people were doubled up in seats or that we passed a police car with its lights on...

Stephanie D., Angie, & I walked to a store today. I found a skirt I really like, but it was too small. We're probably going back tomorrow & I may try to find another one.
Dinner tonight was salad, rice, chicken, & french fries. Nice & American.
Angie, Stephanie D., & I played poker for Dum Dums & we're all a little giddy. Probably because it's so late. We've been spending time out on the roof. It's really nice and relaxing.
I've been emailing my parents & Jimmy, so it'd be a wast of time & paper to write what I told them already. Plus, I'm tired.
Hopefully we'll go to the stores tomorrow. There are several others in the market Angie says are good for souvenirs.
I'm excited.
3/7 of the way done.

Wednesday, June 6

2007-06-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

My Fourth Full Day. 4/7 done.
Only three more full days.
This morning we woke up late & returned to Villa Catalina. I didn't see many of the children from yesterday. They were skipping school, we found out today, & so a lot of them didn't get to eat.
Angie was teaching a woman to do nails, so she practiced on mine several times. I never guessed I'd go on a mission trip and have my nails done.
Stephanie D. & I talked about the first thing we' do when we get home. I decided I want some ice cream, then a shower. I'd like to have my long bath, but I'll want to spend time with my parents & Jimmy. So I'll probably take a quick shower.
The rest of the group are back. I'm glad we only have a few more days. I don't like being around so many people constantly. It freaks me out.
We're not going to get to go shopping! I'm glad I got everyone volcano rocks!
We're ordering pizza tonight. I'm sure the cooks are happy about that.
I want to be home so badly. I miss everyone & everything so much. I know I'm doing a wonderful thing, but...I miss home.
I can hardly hold in all this emotion. I'm so glad I didn't go with the bigger group to El Capulin, the fishing village. I don't think I would have survived.
I've still been homesick, but it's returned full-force with the arrival of this big group. I feel so lost among them, & I just want to go home, where people know, understand, & care for me. They may here, but I want to be with people I really love. I want to hug my parents & curl up on the couch with Jimmy's arm around me, take a real shower...I've never wanted anything more.
No more foreign mission trips without Mom, Dad, or Jimmy for me!

Thursday, June 7

2007-06-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

My Fifth Full Day
5/7 of the way done. Only two more full days after today.
This big group is so overwhelming. I decided to go with the medical group in the ambulance today. It's a much smaller group. Three college "adults" & me, Maddie, & Angie (not the haircutter).
The doctor is late in arrival, so we're just waiting outisde. One of the guys is on the computer. I hope he gets off soon so I can sneak on for a few minutes.
I'm really bonding with Maddie & Angie. It's unfortunate that they live in Atlanta.

We squeezed into the back of a small-ish van, among sweaty bodies & boxes upon boxes of assorted pills, prescriptions, and KY. Yes, sex lube. We use what we can get.
We made several stops on the way to the destination villa to let the doctor out to talk to patients & drop stuff off. It started raining & that cooled things off a lot.
Angie, Maddie, & I counted out pills based on the prescriptions given to us for the patiencs by the doctor.
I took a lot of pictures of the children One of the little girls drew & colored me a picture.
We arrived back at Casa Blanca around 4. I was able to send Jimmy a quick email.
The rest of the group was expected to return from Villa Catalina at 4:30, but they didn't get back until around 7. The tractor got stuck in the mud & one of the trucks blew two tires, so the group had to get out & help accordingly.
We ate lasagna for dinner. It was one of the long-termers' birthday tonight, so we also ate ice cream & she beat a pinyata. Or however you spell it.
I'm pretty excited about tomorrow & Saturday. But mostly Sunday. I have so much training to catch up on.
We payed card games tonight. Angie & I found guitars & I taught her "How Great is Our God." She sorta taught me "Time of Your Life," bit it's hard to teach.

Friday, June 8

2007-06-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

My Sixth Full Day. 6/7 of the way done.
Last night, I fell asleep in the bunk above Maddie. Stephanie D. was sitting with me, reading, while I was writing. I took off my glasses, put down my pen, curled up, & apparently fell asleep. Maddie took my glasses & pen off the bed so I wouldn't crush them if I rolled over, but she couldn't wrench my journal from my grasp. I know I clench at night, but wow.
I ended up waking up in the middle of the night. I walked back & forth between the my bed outside & the bed I had fallen asleep on, eventually falling into the one oustide and sleeping until the sun & birds woke me up.
Today was a good day. I woke up late & hastily jumped into the truck with about 15 others headed for the rock quarry. It was a big flatbed truck with bars for us to hold onto and sides that could be taken down.
The rocks in the quarry seemed to be mostly volcanic rocks. The fact that we were told to retrieve rocks from a volcano assures me that there should be no problem in taking my few small rocks from the volcano we climbed Sunday.
I got hit twice by rocks being rulled down the hill. I have a pretty big bruise, & it beld a little. After we did the back-breaking job of filling the truck, we had to stand on top of the rocks and ride to Villa Catalina.
When we arrived at the Villa, we had to unload the rocks. There is a trench that had been dug a few years ago but filled back up because of rain. Some of the large group were digging it, making room for a new rock wall.
After we unloaded our rocks, we had to move another previous pile because the rocks were in the way of the dirt that was being dug out. Apparently, stuff like this happens a lot in Nicaragua (with a few expletives, as described by a guy who does this a lot).
After we moved the pile, seven of us went back to the quarry. There was a catepillar construction thing moving rocks & dirt, so we all got very dirty. I looked Nicaraguan because my skin was so coated in dirt.
It didn't rain at all today.
After we emptied the truck of rocks, the trucks & several other groups went out to get cinderblocks and sand. I hung out with the villagers. Most of the kids seemed scared of me. I guess it was my leg. I got cut twice. I tried to put bandages on the cuts, but I sweated them off, so Stephanie D. put some pink cream on them, & the children seemed to think something of it.
At the end of the work day, the Nicaraguans & Americans played each other in baseball. The Nicaraguans won.
I left with the first truck, before the game ended. Upon arrival at casa Blanca, I took my first shower since Tuesday. It took a little while to scrub the dirt off my skin, but I succeded.
I'm extremely tired now.
Tomorrow is the last day.
I can't wait to be home.

Saturday, June 9

2007-06-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

7/7 done. The Last Full Day
It's finally come.
And, of course, because we're going to the beach, I started my period. That stinks.
Leon, a good shopping center is on the way to the beach, so hopefully we'll be stopping there. I'd love to, since the only thing I've been able to get people so far are volcanic rocks.
I think one of the reasons I haven't liked this trip so much is because it's a lot like school. The people profess to be Christians & they serve on mission trips, but they cuss like sailors! I really hate that.
But I only have to endure one more day!

Today was so much fun! We spent a little time in Leon shopping, then drove to the beach. We ate lunch, tanned, & got inot the water. It was suprisingly warm for the Pacific, but we were near the equator.
After we rinsed & dried off, we played volley ball on the beach. It was awesome. The sand was dark & soaked up heat, so it was difficult to walk on at first. But after spending time in the water & the temperature dropped due to teh oncoming evening, it became bearable.
My team won by one point in volley ball. I am very tired. I think I may have twisted my back (again), so I took three Ibuprofen & have a heat pack on it.
I got a pretty good tan, though I still have racoon eyes from my sunglasses.
We're leaving very early tomorrow.
I can't wait to be home!
Oh, yeah, it rained tonight while I was taking my outdoor shower...that's something I won't miss!

Sunday, June 10

2007-06-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

In Flight...HOME!
It's over. I can't believe I made it. It didn't got by as quickly as I had hoped, but it's finally over. I get to go home & contine my mission.
I don't believe I've been called to mission to foreign nations, to build foundations & tote around large rocks. I'm a listener and a writer, not a hard-core tough worker type of girl.
The experience was incredible & wonderful. It's certainly something I'm glad to have done.
I don't think I'll be going back to Nicaragua on a mission trip again. If I ever go on a foreign mission trip again, it'll be somewhere that has a national language of English or French. I hated going most of the week unable to understand the children and not being able to order food on my own. Most of the others on the trip berated me for not knowing Spanish.
I'm kinda proud of myself, though. When speaking to the natives, I kept poping out French phrases. They came almost naturally. One of my long-term goals is to be able to speak French fluently. That I was able to unconsciencly speak & think in French brings a smile to my face.
It's wonderful to be in this air conditioned plane. Most of us breathed a deep sigh of relief as we stepped into the Managua airport. It was actually kind of COLD. I loved it.
We're flying over the ocean, and it reminds me of how eager I am to continue training for Nationals. I am extremely pleased tha tthe cold shower, three Ibuprofens, & heat pack relieved my back. It's only slightly harder on the right side than the left. This comparison is based on last night, when my right side was knotted as hard as a rock.
I'm excited about starting to work again. I'm considering taking a second job at CVS or Walgreens. I'd love to work in the photo lab again & since I'm 18, there's the possibility of becoming a lab tech.
The plane meal was excellent, & I ate it up like a starving person.
We've flown over several bodies of land (small islands) that I couldn't find on the map of our route. I'll have to look it up when I get home.
Home...a few more hours. I can't wait to run to my family...my mom, dad, & Jimmy. I can't wait to snuggle up in my bed, to brush, floss, really clean my teeth, to take a long, warm shower & to shave...these are the things I've missed, & the things I'll find soon.

In Memory

2007-04-19T15:44:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry for what happened at Virginia Tech this week.
I hate that people at my school scoffed at the memorial slide show we had this morning.
I'm sorry that there are multiple copy-cat threats everywhere.
It disgusts me that my school is under a threat for tomorrow, so it's going to be a throw-away day.
I'm sorry that we're giving this so much attention, but it is a lose-lose situation.
Everyone wants to know what's going on, and everyone wants to send their condolences to the families and friends, and everyone wants to analyze the events.
We all want someone to blame, someone to hold at fault and punish for this horrendous act.
But we do have that person, and his punishment will be very fair. It's not going to be immediate, but it's going to happen. I don't know when it will happen. But I have faith that it will.
I hope that by publicising this so much, we're not encouraging others to do the same.
What difference does it make if your name and face is plastered and played over and over on the news? You're dead!
And why do people like this assassian and others (like Columbine and the Muslims of 9-11) have to kill others before they can kill themselves? Why not just kill themselves? I know it sounds morbid and pessimissitic, but honestly...
I believe that the reason people like this assassian kill others before killing self is because they want to be rescued. They're in so much pain that they want others to know and save them. They don't want to die. They want to know and experience love. Why else would he have written those kinds of things in his English class, and made several threats, and waited 2 hours to start another round of killing? Why else would he make such a disturbing video and take those pictures, and send them to the post office? And why did the post office send them to MSNBC first?
That's beside the point.
This was an eye-opener. To me, it shows that it can happen anywhere. That we shouldn't push around the loner who has no one. Forget being politically correct! If someone needs help, get him help! Pay attention to what's going on. Don't overlook small details that could lead to something bigger and more terrible, like what happened this week.
Pray for the families. Just because you're not a victim to these tragedies doesn't mean you don't have to think about it or relate it to your life.
If a crazy gunman came into your classroom or workplace, what would you do?
Would you be ready to die?

I'm Concerned...

2007-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a little worried about the political future of our nation.
Here are two "now" presidential candidates:

1. Hilary Clinton. Former first woman (I can't bring myself to call her a lady) who didn't mind that her husband was a man whore. Not only that, but she doesn't mind all the vulgarity of rappers, who support her campaign. What's her stance on our war in Iraq? The same as any liberal. Pull out the troops. Basically, leave the Iraqis when they need us most.

2. Barak Obama. Mr. Unelected into the House of Representatives. He hasn't had many years of expierence in office, or around the political arena. Did I mention he abused alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine during his teenage years to "push questions of who I was out of my mind." If that's his excuse for abusing not only illegal drugs, but alcohol UNDERAGE, what kinds of excuses do you think he'll use when he's in office?

Many students are told that voting liberal is good. Most students go to college, which is where they are told that voting liberal is good. Most students don't care about politics and will vote for whoever they are told to vote for. I'm a senior in high school. That means I'm 18. When adults ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and I tell them that I want to be a political talk-show host, they're so impressed because I've "already got opinions about politics." Hello! The voting age is 18. Of course I've got opinions. Shouldn't every 18-year-old?
I worry that our nation will be overrun with "free, open-minded" liberals who are only liberal because they were told to be. And any critically-thinking conservative will be shushed.
Any conservative who has a family needs to start seriously talking to his children. And anyone who hasn't talked politically needs to start thinking about it and looking for evidence to support whatever stance he has taken.
In the mean time, I'll be praying for the future of America.

Fire Imus?

2007-04-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you've heard by now, Mr. Imus, a radio host, called some African American females (to be poltically correct) "nappy-headed hos." And he was fired for it. This is huge. It's all over Google, the news, talk shows...
Why? Why was he fired? He apologized.
Because he's white.
Because blacks can refer to other blacks as the n-word, ho, or the b-word. Have you listened to mainstream hip-hop songs lately? Allow me to enlighten you on some of the things BLACK rappers say in songs...
"...That hoe fine but this hoe killer
She leakin, she's soakin' wet...
Shake it like a salt shaker...
Pussy poppin, till you percolate
First booty on duty no time to wait
Make it work, with your wet t-shirt
Bitch you gotta shake it till ya calf muscles hurt..." (Ying Yang Twins)

"I've got hoes (I've got hoes)
In different area codes (area) area codes (codes)
Hoes (hoes..hoes) in different area codes (area) area codes (codes)" (Ludacris)

So why is it that male black rappers are allowed to call women hos but white men aren't? The lyrics in the first song talk about how much this guy wants to have sex with a girl. And we have scandals, like the one with the Notre Dame lacrosse team. Women advertise themselves as nothing more than a vessel of sex. Then they get angry when men take advantage of them.
But I digress...
The point is: Are we one or two Americas? Why do we live by a double standard? Why is it okay for a black man to call another black man the n-word, and for a black man in a song to call a woman a ho or the b-word?
This is unbelievable, how our society allows special intrest groups to be treated so carefully, while we use reverse discrimination to fire a white male for a comment that was supposed to be funny!
I think the lyrics speak for themselves. You decide what you think, and act on it.